Overcoming

Ah... I havent been posting! Too many things for me to say, so I've been lazy to not post! :( Over and done with O's the past few weeks, wasted my time away until now! Haha. I need a job urgently and desperately, to clear my debts and all :( But apparently, I cant find one. I just hope I can really get one and start soon! Tiring process... Pretty much the same, nothing's changed. Busybusybusy, that's all! Anywayz, I think I'm lazier now that O's are over!

All So Screwed

Hi I'm back after ages, as usual, because I'm facing something yet again... Yes, its the same person that I'm talking about here. I'm like screwing everything up. I dont know why, my talent I suppose. Plus, its like the prelim period now, yet I'm deeply affected by the situation. What the shit only... Just blame myself on why did I become like that. I have no idea why would I fall for him, NO CLUE AT ALL. I tried to reason out, haha, fail ttm. I'm trying to let go, trying to forget. So yeah, we'll see. I need to sleep now... 41 more days to O levels and I cant believe I'm still so slackish. Its like self committing suicide eah time. Damn it. Goonight! :)

Lots of love <3

Hopeless

I'm back to update, like finally... Its been almost a month since I last did update. So far life isnt going well for me. So much more things to handle and do... I'm going insane. Totally hated it. I'm left with 68days, what am I to do? I dont know. I dont think I'm ready for anything yet. I'm tired, physically, mentally and emotionally... Today Chinese results for O's was released. It wasnt what I expected, but I suppose it tells me my standard. Maybe it is a warning/wakeup call to get me back on my feet. But it isnt exactly working... The tears I couldnt control, just kept rolling down my cheeks. I totally felt demoralised. No confidence, no hope, no mood, no everything. I felt like I was nothing. I knew there wasnt anything I could do to change it. The tears just kept rolling. I thought through. So many thoughts raced through my mind. I doubted, I feared... What to do? Sigh. I felt really afraid and alone. It was almost like the end of everything. Then I began to wonder how would it be like if it was actual O's results. Swear I'll just die man... Thanks to the people around who kept giving support just when I needed it so badly :) Headed over to church for dance. And I knew I'll tear, bingo, I did. Like again, I didnt know why. It felt so natural. But churchies made my day! Love'em so much. Of course in between I did feel, erhem, a lil' bit. But overall, I'm thankful for them... Home felt like it isnt so homely. But doesnt matter. I took the day off. And I'm gonna work hard for the rest of the days left. Go Shermaine... "The moment I give up, is the moment I fail"

Lotsoflove <3

Completely Lost

As the title suggests, I'm completely lost. I really dont know what are you thinking about... What do you want man? I tried not to let myself get so affected by you, I tried not to seek for your attention that much, I tried to control everything... I thought it was going perfectly well, but you suddenly became so nice to me again. I couldnt stop myself from thinking... Birthday surprise was one, why in the whole wide world did you plan? And dont you know I've fallen for you already? OMG! :( Then Saturday after FFW, you wanted to study. Stayed over @Abby's. You slept earlier than us all and got us to wake you up. I did and I felt like I totally could not not bother about you. Made me feel extremely like the old time again... You wanted me to massage your back for you, I did. To me, felt like a couple uh, somehow. You made me go head over heels over you. I'm not sure what were you thinking then. In the morning, you woke up and came next to me to get me to sleep on the mattress instead. You were never so caring towards me before. You passed me your jacket, I swear I loved the smell. Its like I'm obsessed or something. But made me happy. Yet I still needed to pretend I couldnt see anything else... You and Wanzhen are like so close. Jealous? Nah, I dont think so. The same thing you made her do to you, massage your back. What's the meaning of it? What am I to you man? I dont know, but I want to know.

Lotsoflove <3

Made With Love :)

Sweetest sweet sixteen after all :) I didnt expect it to be one, I actually dreaded it in the first place. I didnt want it to happen so fast because the past weeks many things happened and I still feel troubled over them... But I have no control over time so yeah. I'm blessed with so much, even today! :) School was tiring and boring as usual. However there's a bunch of darling girls that gave me a surprise. They got this huge Stitch stuffed toy for me but lied that it was for Amilia and I believed... Didnt really occur to me that it might be mine! Beginning I felt a little disappointed though, this year no gifts :( :( :( It still turned out good. And one Stitch's enough for me this year! Cried when they handed it over to me. Took me by surprise! :) Love my girls!!! Thankyouuuu. My dearest Minlee gave me a handmade card, extremely pretty! Thankyou too! Went home to change and all for Despicable Me in 3D. AWESOME OKAY! They're so adorable! "Its so fluffy I wanna die" "Is this counted as annoying?" Poppoppop... Enjoyed it. Phototaking session, a pity without Amilia and Ayuni. Trained then bused home with Nette and Jinting. Throughout the bus ride was torture, bad headache :( Got home and I thought Mummy Daddy quarrelled with jiejie. So I tried to find out why... So Mummy asked me to go and put Stitch in her room if not got cigarette smell. I did so. To my surprise, I opened Mummy's door and OMG! "Happy birthday to you~" Seriously, shocked!!! Couldnt control those tears from rolling down, non stop! Lovely churchies! :) :) :) Cake cutting and phototaking! Off for supper @macs! Fattening... On my way home, texted everyone. And I thought over it. As much as I disliked today, now its the opposite. Love it okay!!! You guys made it lovely for me, thanks for putting a smile on my face! You rock my socks! :) Then also when I found out that the planner for the surprise was JoeLee, it rocked my whole night more. Cause I didnt expect him to even remember please! Touched to the max :) Really the most memorable one night! Hehe. Supper then home sweet home! Heard from Darrel that they cabbed home cause Joe was worn out, but he kept looking back to see me walk safely back :) Awwww! But only for then.

Lotsoflove <3

See How Time Flies

One more day, just one more... Yet I dont feel what I felt last year! Why am I not as anxious as before? :( Its like the day that I look forward to all year round other than Christmas. I dont know why. Somehow I dont want it to come so fast, I'm not sure what's gonna happen. I'm sure it wont be the same as all the rest of my years in secondary school :( What a drastic change! I used to be all so enthu about it, counting down to every single day about a month before. But now, its so silent and still. What to do? :( Sigh... I'm not expecting anything either. I guess things change, like feng shui lun liu zhuan. I'm experiencing that now. I'm actually pretty much afraid of my birthday :/ Like cause I'm just scared. Kay, whatever. I'm ending here, we'll see how it goes then, reluctantly :(

Lotsoflove <3

A Bundle Of Blessings

So, why am I not the same anymore. Last year this date, I would be anxiously waiting for the day of my birthday to arrive. Then I'll countdown to everyone around me, especially bestie! But its all so different this year... Till now, I havent even startedd counting down, birthday's just this Friday. I'm not expecting anything this year cause I feel that I've been blessed enough :) God is awesome. Yesterday, I celebrated my birthday with my relatives. Thank God for sucha a wonderful and loving family. We had fun, we had good food. That was all we needed. My two lovely aunties gave me my present and I was shocked. Meilan EE gave $80 like OMG! Why so much? Love her so much :) Thanks alot! Then there's aunty Carol with $50. Really I feel loved and blessed enough... Thank God for all these :) Still, what would happen on Friday? I dont know.

Lots of Love! <3

False Hopes

I always think I wouldnt get affected, but in the end I would. I never knew how to control myself, how to stop myself from thinking. Its like almost a natural thing to do so... You always appear in my mind. And I'll be damn happy when I'm with you. I'll also be like some dumbass trying to grab your attention almost everytime... I know its stupid, I know nothing will happen between us, but I cant help it. You're like a part of me already, and I thank you for being that part. But at the same time, its hurting me like mad!!! :( I dont know what's on your mind. I just know mine, I've fallen for you. And each time I get very affected by everything :( I miss how you used to treat me... The care, the concern, the love and all, they just disappeared. WHY!?!?!? Someone texted me just now and I got a shock. If only at that instant, it was realy... But it broke my heart. Sigh! What a lie. Made me feel happy, FOR NOTHING AT ALL! WTF. I'm gonna end my day's entry here! ;)

Lotsoflove <3

Why Must I Go Through This?

Yeah, it isnt the first time something like this happened. Its not something I can choose, either. It just happens. And I dont like it. I really didnt mean it, why must you make it sound so bad all the time? Maybe yes, I do know its my fault, but you need not do this okay... I never wanted anything from you, I just treated you as my friend. All these while I do know you never liked me, I'm not dumb. But I tried, to be a good friend to you. I really did try my best to. Just that none of you would actually believe anyway. All along I'm this kinda person to you people anyway. I couldnt control my tears, they just flowed down so naturally. I tried to hold them back, but it got worse... I'm not out to seek for sympathy or what okay. That's just me. Money issues can really break friendships I suppose. I have nothing to say about it. I'm completely lost and confused now, no directions at all. I thought to myself, why in the world must this happen to me all the time? Why must I always have to face this alone? Thank God I know I have Him with me... Still I wasnt happy. However, its life isnt it? Its often described like a roller coaster. There're times whereby you're way uppppp, enjoying. There're times whereby you're down so suddenly, and scary. I'm just hoping everything will be fine. I'm sorry... But I never never NEVER did hate you before.

Lotsoflove <3

Tell Me Why

I'm back! Again... Have I mentioned I've got lung infection? Anywayz, yes I do. I dont know why either. School's been bad. New timetable can really kill! Plus school's ending really late almost everyday, wait, IN FACT EVERYDAY. I'm so drained already. Its just the second day of school! How am I gonna survive? Agrhhhhh! And I wanna watch Spain vs Portugal later! But I cant, because of school again! Its so damn bloody exciting okay! I'm like so into it now... I cant sleep cause my mind's with it! HAHA! :) They should so have holidays during the World Cup season manzxzxz! Nevermind about this. I guess I have to wait for another 4 more years. Blame it on my luck to be 16 this year... Another thing to add on. Chinese O level oral examination is this Friday! OMG! Getting me all tensed and scared already :( Do your best Shermaine! I need to sleep now.

Lotsoflove <3

Time Is Precious

OMG! See how time flies! School's starting tomorrow, whole new semester :( Feels like its just yesterday when June holidays just started... I bet this semester's gonna be extremely tied up and busy! I'm not ready for it, AT ALL! I wasted my whole June holiday, I mean seriously! I totally didnt study, I didnt even complete my homework. I'm not ready to fight the battle. I know time's running out. Its going at an extremely fast rate as well. Its up to me to catch up now. Really need to mug like siao! :( I need to turn in now anywayz... So goodnight!

Lotsoflove <3

Keeping Silent

I've got no one to go to already :( So its back to depending on myself again. But I know I can do it! Its not a choice, its a must! Friday was stay-home day. Cell in the night and yeah, awkwardness. But oh well, day continues uh. Bus-ed alone to Yishun. On the way, I dont know why, I couldnt stop the tears from rolling down. Somehow I know I needed to be alone, but I was really afraid. There was nothing I could do, so I just stayed silent. Studied with Honey till close to 4am. Heh. Guess what, I wasnt in the mood to do so as well. I did Heymath any old how and failed/just passed all my tests. I didnt bother much already. I woke up on Saturday morning with extremely bad cough and sore throat. Till I could taste blood when I coughed. Still I told no one about this. I felt extremely weak, totally no strength at all. My body was aching all over, I could do nothing. So I watched drama the whole day. Ballet was canceled due to last minute changes and I was kinda sad in fact. I needed to dance so badly, so that everything would go away. Mum didnt understand. She just blamed me for not finishing my medicine and all she did was, nag and nag and nag. It didnt help at all. I totally had no appetite for dinner, wasted half a plate of horfun. While walking back home, I dragged my feet. My body felt so heavy, I could feel heat given off. But still, I kept quiet. I know even if I said something, no one would bother, so why waste time and saliva eh... As for today, Father's Day. Not a very happy day. Oh well, I've mentioned it all in Twitter, lazy to say it again to spoil my mood. I'm signing off now! :) Till then.

Lots of love <3

When You're Uncertain

Hello! :) I'm finally back again! Just got back from church camp, one that I thought I wouldnt attend this year... But I did. Let's say through this camp I did learn something, maybe just not biblical. And for once I went shopping alone, at an unfamiliar place. Another thing which I'd never do my whole entire life, but I did. Actually, it feels great. Maybe because I was at a stranger place, so I need not bother about people staring and all... In fact I quite love it! :) My loot was enough to make me happy! I bought makeup, a bag, clothes and shoes! Hehheh. As for what I've learnt in the camp, I dont really wish to elaborate in detail. Just for me to know, that's all. Its depressing and disappointing. Sigh! Then moving on to Thursday! I met my lovely dance girls to ice-skate! Yes I did have fun. Love them! Its been a long time since I ice-skated, but it was the company that matters. Thanks to them, I didnt think that much about anything else... I'm ending this post already, just a short update on my week! :)

Lots of love <3

Wrong Move, Too Late

Oh, I'm finally back to post again! Almost forgotten about me blog! Heh :) Guess holidays didnt feel any like one! Except for the fact that it is called "June Holiday", other than that, not really. Have been going to school everyday for the past week and even this! I'm glad I'm still surviving! Bu oh well, three more months to O's! Then all my hardship will disappear! Add oil Shermaine!!! Everyone believes in you, so should you! I really hope I can have the confidence and memory man... Life goes on even if I dont feel like! Now everything is about time! Why isnt time unlimited? Then I dont have to worry about anything. Oh well, no point blabbing over this. I did it again, no one knows what, except myself. What a bitch man, seriously. But I have no one to blame, so I have to move on! I've been dreaming too much... Dreaming about things that I know wont happen but yet I do want it to happen. Ah, silly me. Whatever uh. I need to focus well now, O levels most important now!!! So yeah :) Encourage or motivate me if you can!

Lotsoflove <3

No Worries

I'm feeling super happy today! SRP was cancelled and I got my rest for the day. Met up with my girls and thanks to them, I'm in love with today! :) They made me feel so happy today, genuinely! I laughed like mad, and I smiled a lot! All thanks to them! Who knew we could click so well? Talking so much, time seemed to pass so quickly! Love them very muchhhh! :) We shall have more of this sessions okay? Hehe! Thankyou darlings for making my day! I really am happy today. No need to worry or trouble about anything at all, I could really let my hair down. This really feels extremely good! :)

Lotsoflove <3

No Worries

I'm feeling super happy today! SRP was cancelled and I got my rest for the day. Met up with my girls and thanks to them, I'm in love with today! :) They made me feel so happy today, genuinely! I laughed like mad, and I smiled a lot! All thanks to them! Who knew we could click so well? Talking so much, time seemed to pass so quickly! Love them very muchhhh! :) We shall have more of this sessions okay? Hehe! Thankyou darlings for making my day! I really am happy today. No need to worry or trouble about anything at all, I could really let my hair down. This really feels extremely good! :)

Lotsoflove <3

Feels Dead Terrible

O Levels Mother Tongue's over :) I made the stupidest mistake someone could ever make! I wrote the wrong question number for paper one. Wow! Clap hands! I almost freaked out for goodness sake okayyyy! Nervous like crap siah :( Then up till now... I cant stop coughing. The blocked nose is enough to torture me because I can hardly breathe. Then the coughing adds on. Its really coughing with all my might and it hurts damn freaking badly... I cant sleep now. How now brown cow? There's lesson tomorrow morning yknow? Gosh! Why manzxzx? Now I need to sit up straight and not lie down. I feel depressed :( :( :(

Too lazy to continue...
Lotsoflove <3

The Same Feeling Again

So today was just like any typical Saturday alright. Slept till the sun shone brightly, then I got all ready to be out of home. Lunched with Momma and off to ballet! :) Am starting to get used to ballet, and maybe fall in love with it. Who knows uh? Anywayz, this is not the main point of today's postttt! Headed over to church for 10th anni's dance item and skipped dinner unknowingly :( Freezed throughout FFW while taking down notes. To say the truth, I wasnt really paying attention uh. But at the end, I was ministered. Seriously, God was there, He still is now, and I felt it :) Thank goodness for Him! I doubted most of the times, I even questioned where was He when I needed Him the most. But I suppose no matter what, I need to learn to trust in Him, because He'll never leave or forsake me. He loves me dearly, and His love is greater than any other thing! I felt so much better after a cry, even though I told myself I wont cry and I thought I wont! Things happen with God around :) Another point to note, IT FEELS FREAKING TERRIBLE TO BE SICK. I was coughing all day long, non-stop. Felt as though my throat was bleeding and it hurts damn badly!!! Now I have like blocked nose as well, adds on to the torture. What's worse, with fever on top of everything. Thenthenthen, O levels Chinese is on Monday. Tell me how to survive? :(

Ohmy ohmy ohmy, I NEED TO SLEEP ALREADY! I freaking wont get up on time tomorrowz for duty, 745am in church eh!!! OMG, kill me! But its so hard to sleep while coughing! Damn it. Goodnight people!!! :D

Lotsoflove <3

Not Enough Time

Woahwoahwoah!!! I can feel the intensity already! No much time left! :( My veryveryvery first O level paper's on Monday :/ This is so killing me! And its like Mother Tongue. Please tell me how much I suck in Chinese manzxzx!!! I cannot afford not to do well this coming Monday! I'm already so lagging behind everyone else in class lah please. I really really REALLY need to do well for Chinese, once and for all, so that I can focus well on the rest of my subjects! But the fear is overflowing! And there're like a thousand thoughts in my mind... What if I dont do well for Chinese? What if I fail? What if I never succeed? All these are pulling me down, my morale is going lower and lower each day! I need help, motivation, encouragement, etcetc... BADLY! Guess this means a lot to me! I'm trying my very best to believe I can do it. Today's Vesak Day, and Imma study my brains out for Chinese! Go Shermaine go! You can do it. Add oil add oil, dont give up okay! :)

"Life is a journey filled with many learning processes"
With this, I'm ending my post! :)
Lotsoflove <3

Like No Other

I'm here again! :) Been pretty lazy recently, and its a bad thing. I need to motivate myself and really start mugging hard!!! Midyears is badly done and I need to be ready for practice exams as well as prelims... But of course, I should first clear my Chinese O's this coming Monday. And the worse thing is, I so suck in it. How to get an A? Come to think of it, pretty impossible for me. But I'm gonna dream big! :D HAHA! Been doing a lot of thinking as well. Leaving issues aside for the time being, I thought of my own future. Pretty much scares me eh. I have no confidence, at all, to do well for O's. I have a lot more to do, and I'm starting to feel fearful already. Been wasting time as well. Why arent I in the exam mood yet anywayz? :( Then I also thought about what I wanna do, I'm still at a loss though. I really need to wake up!!! I'm afraid that I wouldnt be able to meet my own expectations or what I wanna do, then I'll really not know what to do already. Guess life's getting tougher and tougher each day, but oh well, life's like that isnt it? And it still goes on...

Done with this! :)
Lotsoflove! <3

Once More

Well, I never expected myself to be back to blogging. But here I am now, with an all new blog. I dont know what made me feel like blogging again, just I had the urge to suddenly. Things happen unexpectedly at times. I guess this space here is gonna be for me to really just pour out everything, I hope. Whether or not I'm gonna tell people about this, I'll see about it as time goes by. This almost sums up my first post uh... With a little bit of what's happening in my life now.

Things are not exactly going smoothly for me. Midyears werent well done and that sets me thinking about how I'm gonna cope with the second half of the year. Sigh. Meet-the-Parents session is this week as well, I'm hoping it'll go well. Issues about myself surfaced as well. There're just too many thoughts going through my mind now. Its like drowning me, and I'm beginning to find it hard to breathe. But again, I know I have Him, who's with me all the time. And I know I can depend on Him. Thank God for His Son in my life :)

With this, I end my first post!
LoTsoflove <3