New Year New Beginning

Woah. Feels like its been a year since I last updated this space uh... Its 2011! I've cleared the difficult and tough times in 2010. But yet there's another tricky part to this! I've gotten my results, seriously, not as expected. Sucked badly, but on the bright side, I passed everything... Next part of it is that I'll need to make my decision and choice, yet I'm super lost and confused. I dont know what's next for me, I cant think. But once again I need to put my faith and trust in God, knowing he already has a plan for me. All I need to do is wait and listen. Oh well, what's done is done! I just hope the next phase for me wouldnt be tough! :) Signing off nowwww~

Overcoming

Ah... I havent been posting! Too many things for me to say, so I've been lazy to not post! :( Over and done with O's the past few weeks, wasted my time away until now! Haha. I need a job urgently and desperately, to clear my debts and all :( But apparently, I cant find one. I just hope I can really get one and start soon! Tiring process... Pretty much the same, nothing's changed. Busybusybusy, that's all! Anywayz, I think I'm lazier now that O's are over!

All So Screwed

Hi I'm back after ages, as usual, because I'm facing something yet again... Yes, its the same person that I'm talking about here. I'm like screwing everything up. I dont know why, my talent I suppose. Plus, its like the prelim period now, yet I'm deeply affected by the situation. What the shit only... Just blame myself on why did I become like that. I have no idea why would I fall for him, NO CLUE AT ALL. I tried to reason out, haha, fail ttm. I'm trying to let go, trying to forget. So yeah, we'll see. I need to sleep now... 41 more days to O levels and I cant believe I'm still so slackish. Its like self committing suicide eah time. Damn it. Goonight! :)

Lots of love <3

Hopeless

I'm back to update, like finally... Its been almost a month since I last did update. So far life isnt going well for me. So much more things to handle and do... I'm going insane. Totally hated it. I'm left with 68days, what am I to do? I dont know. I dont think I'm ready for anything yet. I'm tired, physically, mentally and emotionally... Today Chinese results for O's was released. It wasnt what I expected, but I suppose it tells me my standard. Maybe it is a warning/wakeup call to get me back on my feet. But it isnt exactly working... The tears I couldnt control, just kept rolling down my cheeks. I totally felt demoralised. No confidence, no hope, no mood, no everything. I felt like I was nothing. I knew there wasnt anything I could do to change it. The tears just kept rolling. I thought through. So many thoughts raced through my mind. I doubted, I feared... What to do? Sigh. I felt really afraid and alone. It was almost like the end of everything. Then I began to wonder how would it be like if it was actual O's results. Swear I'll just die man... Thanks to the people around who kept giving support just when I needed it so badly :) Headed over to church for dance. And I knew I'll tear, bingo, I did. Like again, I didnt know why. It felt so natural. But churchies made my day! Love'em so much. Of course in between I did feel, erhem, a lil' bit. But overall, I'm thankful for them... Home felt like it isnt so homely. But doesnt matter. I took the day off. And I'm gonna work hard for the rest of the days left. Go Shermaine... "The moment I give up, is the moment I fail"

Lotsoflove <3

Completely Lost

As the title suggests, I'm completely lost. I really dont know what are you thinking about... What do you want man? I tried not to let myself get so affected by you, I tried not to seek for your attention that much, I tried to control everything... I thought it was going perfectly well, but you suddenly became so nice to me again. I couldnt stop myself from thinking... Birthday surprise was one, why in the whole wide world did you plan? And dont you know I've fallen for you already? OMG! :( Then Saturday after FFW, you wanted to study. Stayed over @Abby's. You slept earlier than us all and got us to wake you up. I did and I felt like I totally could not not bother about you. Made me feel extremely like the old time again... You wanted me to massage your back for you, I did. To me, felt like a couple uh, somehow. You made me go head over heels over you. I'm not sure what were you thinking then. In the morning, you woke up and came next to me to get me to sleep on the mattress instead. You were never so caring towards me before. You passed me your jacket, I swear I loved the smell. Its like I'm obsessed or something. But made me happy. Yet I still needed to pretend I couldnt see anything else... You and Wanzhen are like so close. Jealous? Nah, I dont think so. The same thing you made her do to you, massage your back. What's the meaning of it? What am I to you man? I dont know, but I want to know.

Lotsoflove <3

Made With Love :)

Sweetest sweet sixteen after all :) I didnt expect it to be one, I actually dreaded it in the first place. I didnt want it to happen so fast because the past weeks many things happened and I still feel troubled over them... But I have no control over time so yeah. I'm blessed with so much, even today! :) School was tiring and boring as usual. However there's a bunch of darling girls that gave me a surprise. They got this huge Stitch stuffed toy for me but lied that it was for Amilia and I believed... Didnt really occur to me that it might be mine! Beginning I felt a little disappointed though, this year no gifts :( :( :( It still turned out good. And one Stitch's enough for me this year! Cried when they handed it over to me. Took me by surprise! :) Love my girls!!! Thankyouuuu. My dearest Minlee gave me a handmade card, extremely pretty! Thankyou too! Went home to change and all for Despicable Me in 3D. AWESOME OKAY! They're so adorable! "Its so fluffy I wanna die" "Is this counted as annoying?" Poppoppop... Enjoyed it. Phototaking session, a pity without Amilia and Ayuni. Trained then bused home with Nette and Jinting. Throughout the bus ride was torture, bad headache :( Got home and I thought Mummy Daddy quarrelled with jiejie. So I tried to find out why... So Mummy asked me to go and put Stitch in her room if not got cigarette smell. I did so. To my surprise, I opened Mummy's door and OMG! "Happy birthday to you~" Seriously, shocked!!! Couldnt control those tears from rolling down, non stop! Lovely churchies! :) :) :) Cake cutting and phototaking! Off for supper @macs! Fattening... On my way home, texted everyone. And I thought over it. As much as I disliked today, now its the opposite. Love it okay!!! You guys made it lovely for me, thanks for putting a smile on my face! You rock my socks! :) Then also when I found out that the planner for the surprise was JoeLee, it rocked my whole night more. Cause I didnt expect him to even remember please! Touched to the max :) Really the most memorable one night! Hehe. Supper then home sweet home! Heard from Darrel that they cabbed home cause Joe was worn out, but he kept looking back to see me walk safely back :) Awwww! But only for then.

Lotsoflove <3

See How Time Flies

One more day, just one more... Yet I dont feel what I felt last year! Why am I not as anxious as before? :( Its like the day that I look forward to all year round other than Christmas. I dont know why. Somehow I dont want it to come so fast, I'm not sure what's gonna happen. I'm sure it wont be the same as all the rest of my years in secondary school :( What a drastic change! I used to be all so enthu about it, counting down to every single day about a month before. But now, its so silent and still. What to do? :( Sigh... I'm not expecting anything either. I guess things change, like feng shui lun liu zhuan. I'm experiencing that now. I'm actually pretty much afraid of my birthday :/ Like cause I'm just scared. Kay, whatever. I'm ending here, we'll see how it goes then, reluctantly :(

Lotsoflove <3

A Bundle Of Blessings

So, why am I not the same anymore. Last year this date, I would be anxiously waiting for the day of my birthday to arrive. Then I'll countdown to everyone around me, especially bestie! But its all so different this year... Till now, I havent even startedd counting down, birthday's just this Friday. I'm not expecting anything this year cause I feel that I've been blessed enough :) God is awesome. Yesterday, I celebrated my birthday with my relatives. Thank God for sucha a wonderful and loving family. We had fun, we had good food. That was all we needed. My two lovely aunties gave me my present and I was shocked. Meilan EE gave $80 like OMG! Why so much? Love her so much :) Thanks alot! Then there's aunty Carol with $50. Really I feel loved and blessed enough... Thank God for all these :) Still, what would happen on Friday? I dont know.

Lots of Love! <3

False Hopes

I always think I wouldnt get affected, but in the end I would. I never knew how to control myself, how to stop myself from thinking. Its like almost a natural thing to do so... You always appear in my mind. And I'll be damn happy when I'm with you. I'll also be like some dumbass trying to grab your attention almost everytime... I know its stupid, I know nothing will happen between us, but I cant help it. You're like a part of me already, and I thank you for being that part. But at the same time, its hurting me like mad!!! :( I dont know what's on your mind. I just know mine, I've fallen for you. And each time I get very affected by everything :( I miss how you used to treat me... The care, the concern, the love and all, they just disappeared. WHY!?!?!? Someone texted me just now and I got a shock. If only at that instant, it was realy... But it broke my heart. Sigh! What a lie. Made me feel happy, FOR NOTHING AT ALL! WTF. I'm gonna end my day's entry here! ;)

Lotsoflove <3

Why Must I Go Through This?

Yeah, it isnt the first time something like this happened. Its not something I can choose, either. It just happens. And I dont like it. I really didnt mean it, why must you make it sound so bad all the time? Maybe yes, I do know its my fault, but you need not do this okay... I never wanted anything from you, I just treated you as my friend. All these while I do know you never liked me, I'm not dumb. But I tried, to be a good friend to you. I really did try my best to. Just that none of you would actually believe anyway. All along I'm this kinda person to you people anyway. I couldnt control my tears, they just flowed down so naturally. I tried to hold them back, but it got worse... I'm not out to seek for sympathy or what okay. That's just me. Money issues can really break friendships I suppose. I have nothing to say about it. I'm completely lost and confused now, no directions at all. I thought to myself, why in the world must this happen to me all the time? Why must I always have to face this alone? Thank God I know I have Him with me... Still I wasnt happy. However, its life isnt it? Its often described like a roller coaster. There're times whereby you're way uppppp, enjoying. There're times whereby you're down so suddenly, and scary. I'm just hoping everything will be fine. I'm sorry... But I never never NEVER did hate you before.

Lotsoflove <3